Developing Relationships
Ian Howells • January 20, 2021

Developing Relationships

Maximising Interpersonal Effectiveness

Our ways of relating to each other are embedded constantly in relationships and this is a continual process, relearning or new learning. The relational aspects are of the highest significance to our psychosocial development and our individual ability as learners to sustain positive relationships. These aspects are the building blocks of self-esteem and atonement.


When we use positive and flexible ways of responding to each other, our communication is likely to be more effective. We all have a range of behavioural tendencies and habits to draw on. Moment-by-moment it can be hard to choose the right ones. This is an art as well as a skill. The more we are aware of our tendencies, and understand them, the easier it is to develop more effective modes of communication. In other words we are lifting our level of awareness of our emotional literacy.


Emotional Literacy 

Emotional literacy describes key aspects of human social functioning. Understanding the nature of behaviour and how a person uses behaviour, both positive and negative, helps to build self-awareness, the key domain of emotional intelligence. Emotional literacy is learning how to expand and enrich the use of positive modes of behaviour and to transform negative modes of behaviour, which in turn supports ongoing development. 


If you work with people, you are the tool of your trade. To become emotionally literate helps you to relate positively to others; respond more and react less, to give empowering leadership, to encourage creative collaboration. The more effectively you communicate and build relationships, the more effective your outcomes will be. It’s not just what you do – it’s how you do it that really, matters.

Parenting
 “Upbringing is a relational process unique for each individual, in which, what we do and how we do it can either support a positive growth dynamic or hinder it” (S.Temple, 2014)

As human beings we are born entirely helpless, we need prolonged care and we need protection to survive. The maturation process goes well past the age of physical maturity, surviving, pairing-up and reproducing. As complex social animals, we have much to learn about how to relate to others and function as a productive member of a social group. We also need to gain considerable knowledge and many skills in order to fend for ourselves, provide our own well-being and eventually that of our children. Upbringing should provide that learning. From the point of view of survival, human social behaviour is concerned with both the physical realities of life and the psychological dynamics of relationship.

Then the question,
“How good is the fit between the child’s capacity and dynamic for growth and development and the carer’s provision of challenge, stimulation and support?” (Chess & Thomas, 1999) 

How do we provide a framework for understanding the dynamic relationships involved in good upbringing? Emotional literacy is especially important for parents, educators and all of us who take part in the responsibility for ‘upbringing’, in one way or another. Children, young people and others are learning all the time, whatever we do, or don’t do, from both the example we set and the experiences we offer them. Increasing our own self-awareness supports our sensitivity and perception of the other’s needs so that we can develop our ‘response-ability’ and enhance the ‘fit’ we offer between upbringing and growing up.


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